Here we are, week 8 of Covid-19 Lockdown. It has been quite the experience. Not one person has not been affected by this pandemic in one way or a thousand others. And one expression that I keep hearing used is that “We are all in the same boat…” and we are supposed to feel solidarity in this statement. However, we are NOT all in fact in the same boat. Rather, we are a multitude of boats in the same storm. However some people have a yacht and some people have a canoe. Some people are just hanging on by a floatilla. This fact is vital to acknowledge because it clarifies WHO will survive the storm/pandemic and who will not. Wouldn’t it make more sense for some of the people all alone on their yachts to make room for the people searching for life preservers?
But back to me (this is my blog). Before Covid hit I was sailing along pretty nicely in a modestly tricked out boat. I was cruising on a new direction I was excited to discover. My business was doing really well. 2020 was on track to be a great year. However March 13th hit, Typhoon Corona! And everything changed!! This is a long, brutal storm we’re weathering. For weeks it has felt like my boat was crushed and broken apart and I have been treading water desperately searching for something solid to hold on to. Only everything I grab either slips away or breaks apart underneath me. I’m getting exhausted. I told this analogy to a friend a few weeks ago who responded by saying “I don’t think your boat has sunk. I think it’s filled up with water and you’re desperately trying to scoop the water out before it overtakes you.” I liked this analogy because it gave me hope that I hadn’t lost everything. (Although if I think about it more know, it shows that there were cracks in my boat letting the water flood in.) Another friend took it further by saying “Yes and you may be at sea a lot longer than you planned and you may not wind up at the destination you were aiming for.” This last part is what has popped in and out of my brain for the last two weeks. And I think it’s the essence of survival right now. Some waters may be too choppy. Some waters may have crocodiles and barracudas. Big yachts can handle those waters, little canoes cannot. So many of us will have to switch course and head in another direction. Or perhaps we find a new boat…?
Back in November I entered into a Structural Integration Rolfing program that was a 4 semester/18 month program. I was there in Omaha beginning my second semester when everything escalated to a halt. I was half way thru a two week intensive and being frozen midway like that has been emotionally draining. Even though online courses continue. I’m studying a bodywork program during a pandemic without actually being able to do the work. It’s incredibly heartbreaking and trying to do this work online is impossible. It’s starting to feel like I’m writing my memoirs… This program is something I put a lot of thought and planning into. It’s become a huge part of my life. It was supposed to be an investment…which brings me back to the boats.
If you’ve made it this far, I do in fact believe that my boat did get smashed apart. And I also believe I have been holding on to heavy bags of “prized possessions” that are weighing me down, nearly drowning me. At some point you have to make choices for ultimate survival. Maybe some beloved items have to be cut free because they are holding you back. As painful as it is, the weightlessness and freedom to move forward are worth the action. On the Full Moon in Scorpio I withdrew from my course. I’ve grieved. I’ve cried. But I’ve also felt a huge sense of a relief knowing this is the wise move. Life is going to be very different. My days of supporting myself solely as a bodyworker are over. My path has definitely altered. I have no idea what destination I’m set for now. But I’m free to swim and crawl into a new boat!!
Type A Gypsy 