I woke up this morning hearing news of a US Naval ship that was infected with Corona. The ship has docked port in Guam. I suddenly became full of fear for tiny sweet Guam being overtaken with a Corona outbreak. Small sweet Guam where I don’t know how much news they watch but they may or may not be aware of what’s happening. Which made me think of other sweet unsuspecting island residents from many years ago.

Back in 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue.  The Italian explorer couldn’t get funding from his own country, Italy. So he went next door to Spain and got money from Queen Isabelle (the mother of Katharine of Aragon, Henry VIII’s first wife). Good ol’ Columbus went on a few expeditions. He’s given credit for discovering the America’s but he never actually touched the continent, rather he landed on one of the islands in the West Indies.  Sea weary sailors discovered crystal blue waters with an island full of beautiful residents and grabbed it as a conquest. Over half the population was wiped out within a year from gonorrhea and syphilis. Rape and Conquest. At what cost? Who benefited from that experience? Evidently Columbus. He’s got a whole National holiday and parade celebrating an urban legend we all know isn’t true.

And here we find ourselves, 528 years later. In the year 2020!! The year of clarity! Can you see it now MotherFuckers???!!!

Here we are with a global virus spreading everywhere and yet certain leaders are trying to turn this into a border issue. An issue of US against THEM. This is US against US. And by us I mean the Collective Us. A long ago disdain for borders and property resulted in a horrible outbreak killing the locals. Now a “foreign virus” is coming in doing the same and the response is ‘We need tighter borders’. They didn’t respect the borders when they were on the other side. They brought disease with them, wiped out a population and took the land for themselves. Am I the only one seeing this? I am not in any way saying this is karma on Italy. I’m saying we need to learn from this and change. Borders are not the problem. Acting without kindness and respect is the problem. Lack of mindfulness and critical thinking is the problem. Disdain for others and zero accountability is the problem. An outbreak is simply the result of this giant void.

Surviving Corona Meltdown

There’s no denying these are strange times we suddenly find ourselves living in. Here we are on Day 3 of Lock down. Everyone is being told to stay home. Living in one of the world’s largest cities makes this feel so odd. A lot of people I know NEVER stay home! But there are also a lot of introverts who’ve been training for this for years. Personally I fall somewhere in the middle. And fortunately one thing I have always done in my 22 years in NYC is make my home my oasis. A colorful and intricate oasis. So as I’m sitting here freaking out at least I can look around and say, it’s not a bad place to be freaking out…but for how long???

And this is where my freak out begins. Here we are, in a time of quarantine, where all touch is essentially prohibited. Social Distancing is the new mantra. Maintain 6 feet of distance. I am a body worker and Massage Therapist. My entire livelihood is based on touching people!! Officials have no idea how long this could last but are guesstimating 2-3 months. Life as we know it has been completely changed. So my income has been wiped out. Overnight. Indefinitely. But it’s more than just that. It took several days of lock down and introspection but this crisis helped me figure it out. They say do what you love and you’ll never work a day. I’ve been a Licensed Massage Therapist here in New York State since 2002. 18 years is not the norm in my industry. The average career span is 5-7 years. Due mostly to burnout and physical injury. When I was in massage school 9/11 happened. It was the biggest tragedy our nation had seen in 2 generations. It jolted all of us! New Yorkers and the nation came together in a way that was beautiful and inspiring.  And touch was a huge part of that! I volunteered down at Ground Zero and seeing the transforming healing power of touch during a huge time of need left a huge impact on me. One that has been carried on throughout my career. When someone I care about is going through a rough time it is something I can give. Also as an anxious person, working with my hands has a huge calming affect on my system. But 9/11 was a very different tragedy than now. This is one time of crisis where the very thing I bring is the one thing you can’t do….Sit on that.  Imagine taking an instrument away from a musician and telling them they can’t play anymore. That in fact their playing could kill thousands of people. Imagine how soul-searing that is. I love what I do.  It’s a huge part of my identity and persona. I love it so much that when this crisis unfolded I was in Omaha, Nebraska working on my Structural Integration Rolfing certification.  We were half way through our intensive when they shut it down. {For anyone who doesn’t know, this is a specific kind of body work that works with connective tissue in a specific order throughout the body to return it to proper alignment.} I was half way through the series at the core, diaphragm muscles and Psoas when this happened.  Left in a very open and vulnerable spot and then thrown into a cauldron of terror and uncertainty. I feel like a preemie ripped from the womb way too soon!! Today was supposed to be my last day of class. I’m grateful to be back at home in my cocoon. But I’m grieving what was lost, and what has been taken away.

Tomorrow is a week since this began. And I know there will be many more weeks. There have been a lot of tears, a bunch of freak outs, some screams into pillows and a few Xanax. There has also been some generosity. A few friends have bought gift certificates for future services. (No expiration 😉 ) I’m a survivor and I know eventually I will have to re-invent myself and adapt to my surroundings. It’s the only way. I’m just not there yet…